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Welcome to my Facebook wall. Straight jackets are on your left, meds are on the table, and if you hurry, you can still get a seat in group therapy . . . have fun!
I came across 3 snakes while mowing the yard today, but those of you in North America already know that because you heard me scream
Relationships are like batteries, they have a positive & a negative side. And you end up whacking your remote instead of changing them.
Gym Update: Not there.
How to break up with someone: You: Your ex is attractive. Partner: Which one? You: ME. You: BYEEEE
"Mary had a little lamb. That`s had." - the wolf
Falling in love is just like falling down a well, except one is dank, dark and scary, and can really hurt you, and the other is a well.
Spread happiness by smiling at a stranger today, or flash them your boobs...... Strangers love boobs!
Be thankful your GPS doesn`t get PMS: “Fine! Turn whichever way you want! You never listen to me anyway!”
The reason dogs look confused when you open the refrigerator door is because they`re thinking "Why don`t you just eat ALL the food?"
Welcome to Plastic Surgery Addicts Anonymous. I see a lot of new faces in the room this week and I`m very disappointed with all of you.
Everyone sends text like "good morning sunshine", so I texted "good morning solar eclipse" ... Yeah, don`t do that.
Girls here`s an idea, instead of spending all that money on makeup. Just buy your guy a bottle of Jack Daniels.
Sorry, Sarcasm falls out of my mouth, like stupidity falls out of yours
Throw a stranger a surprise party by putting confetti inside their closed umbrella when they’re not looking!