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My nose is "running", that`s all the exercise I can handle for one day.......
Prostitution must be a hole sale business.
When people with multiple personality disorders are about to die, whose life flashes before their eyes?
My neighbor just spent $237.43 at the vet, that`s $1,662.01 in dog dollars.
If your pillow fort hasn’t got an armory filled with Nerf guns, then you’re not really taking pillow forting as seriously as you should be.
Dear autocorrect, at no point in time have I meant to say "I`m affordable" instead of "I`m adorable".
I’m offering a $1000 reward to anyone who brings me $1000 and a taco.
Pretty sure I look forward to my boss` vacation`s more than he does.
It`s actually the voices outside my head that bothers me the most.
“People will believe anything if you whisper it.”
No magician can do a trick that impresses me as much as that ‘take off my bra and make it appear out of my sleeve’ thing that girls do.
Rick Ross be rapping about cars he can`t even fit in.
I`m trying to give up sexual innuendos. But it`s hard........so hard......
I wonder what my future wife is doing right now ... Hopefully modeling.