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So, if I lie to the government, it’s a felony. But if they lie to me its politics?
Guess what I saw today ... Everything I looked at. ;)
Targeted ads are trying to sell me a new mattress nowadays. With how much Google knows about me you`d think they`d cap themselves at something like $5 footlongs or stationary.
The only thing worse than having it rain after you wash your car is have to poop as soon as you get out of the shower.
I’m the king of balancing more trash on top of an already full trash can.
hmmmm...halo or horns today??
If someone says “you’re funny” instead of laughing, you’re not.
No, no, no, you don`t have to engage in a long explanation of why you`re single. We`ve spent five minutes together, I think I`ve got it.
When the only light in your world is suddenly gone …it’s time to recharge your phone.
People that use big words, but not in the right context, are just trying to be ambidextrous
Never underestimate the power of the web. -Charlotte
This lady in Walgreens is staring at me like she’s never seen anyone put on deodorant and then put it back on the shelf.
I only use the outdoors to get to another indoors.
If you surround your house in police tape, the odds of you being robbed drops dramatically.
Hoping that Steve Harvey isn`t the one announcing the winning Powerball numbers tonight!