Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m always surprised how quickly "you`re so funny" turns into "everything is a fcuking joke to you." (usually about 3 months)
I woke up this morning and my "check liver" light was on.
I`m changing my voicemail greeting to: Please hang up and text me, thanks. ;)
Tonight, I`m bringing Sexy back! I just hope I don`t need a receipt...
My neighbours are loud and obnoxious. Now I know how Canada feels.
Clearly, you are a person with an open mind. I can feel the breeze from here.
Having plans sounds like a good idea until you have to put on clothes and leave your house.
My love for you is beyond words so don’t expect a Valentine’s Day card from me.
I just missed winning the lottery by only 6 numbers.
I don´t know what makes you so stupid, but it really works!
If you can`t read the bottom of the eye chart, spell something dirty. Eye doctors love that sh!t.
Before I lose my phone, end up naked, drunk and/or possibly arrested, I would like to wish you all a Happy Independence Day.
Its better to have loved and lost, then stay with that psyco for one more sec
The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they´re going to be when you kill them.
Why do we feel safe under blankets? It’s not like a murderer will come in thinking “I’m gonna ki..-ahhh. Damn, he’s under a blanket.”