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Giving my wife a bikini wax for the first time. Should I wake her up or just let it be a surprise?
If you just got invited to do something on New Year`s Eve, it means someone else cancelled.
I love tan lines... it`s like God came down and high-lighted all the good parts... ;-)
I can`t wait to procrastinate.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, you’re probably really hot.
Anyone else sit on the toilet and play with their phone until you realized you have been finished 10 minutes ago?
I was going to do some spring cleaning, but the snow has ruined it for me.
Families should be able to trade people, just like professional sports teams.
I wish Facebook would notify me when people deleted me, that way I could like it
Car commercials make driving around in empty parking structures look fun and normal and not suspicious or kidnappy.
Unplug the copier at work & put a sign on it that says “now voice activated!” Sit back & watch the magic unfold.
I hate when I`m admiring my good looks from a car`s window reflection and the people inside think I`m staring at them.
Spruce up your weeknight: run the dishwasher and imagine you`re on a cruise!
Doctor told me to lose some weight, and suggested walking.So no more drive through taco bell. Now I park 5 spaces away and walk in
Sex, drugs and candy crush all have one thing in common. It`s only an addiction if you start paying for it.