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Have you ever tried blind-folded archery? You don`t know what you`re missing.
Statistics say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea. Does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
sometimes when i`m lonely i`ll fill my bathtub with tomato sauce and pretend that i`m a meatball
Just gonna wait to see how long it takes this police sketch artist to realize I`m describing him.
What’s the point of making people like Paul McCartney and Elton John knights if they’re not going to joust?
When I win the lottery, the first thing I`m going to buy is a pot to piss in. I`ve always wanted one of those.
This weekends forecast shows a 0% chance of cooking or cleaning, with a good chance of laying around in my pajamas.
Day 1. I am thankful that I haven`t fallen into the trap of Facebook thankful status updates.
I can cope with voices in my head but the voices outside my head drive me crazy.
After midnight, clowns aren`t funny.
Know what this salad needs? A Big Mac.
I like confusing kids by telling them I`m older than the internet
Facebook posts with 12 hashtags, who the f*ck are you trying to reach?
Would the 2 Sonic dudes just get it over with and kiss already
None of us have it as bad as the porcupine giving birth to another porcupine.