Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
You can tell a guy has a woman in his life when he remembers to do stuff like put on deodorant and wipe his butt most of the time!
My fella asked me to name all my sexual partners. I took a couple of minutes to list them and eventually got to him. Should of stopped there
Why would I ever pay to go to a NASCAR event when I could get drunk beside the interstate and cheer for cars for free?
Heard the local weatherman say, "high in the thirties" & now I know the title to my autobiography.
You can be like "This is a slippery slope" or you can be like "Weeeeeeee!"
Be nice to a nerd. Prevent a super-villain.
I`m getting sick of seeing all these lyric status`s, it reminds me of somebody that I used to know.
I wonder how many people`s phones out there have my name saved in contacts as "DO NOT ANSWER"
I didn`t give you the finger...you earned it.
I keep seeing studies finding fecal matter on things. Anyone considered that perhaps it`s the scientists that aren`t washing their hands?
I think we`ll be friends forever because we`re too lazy to find new friends.
I will never admit to my parents that I don’t believe in the Easter Bunny or Santa as long as I still get presents and candy.
There’s a police helicopter above my house right now, so I’m cashing in and calling everyone who has ever said “when pigs fly.”
Facebook - the place where you can whine and get likes for it...
Facebook reminds me of what my grandpa always used to say, `Who are you people and what are you all jabbering about anyway?`