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Waiting to see how long it takes this police sketch artist to realize I`m describing him.
Sometimes I worry that eating pizza isn`t a real sport.
Somehow the talk went a little wrong with my 7 year old and now he`s convinced that birds have sex with bees and now he won`t eat honey.
Killing spiders is easy and fulfilling if you imagine them whispering "You look fat in those pants".
its not the up`s and down`s that bring you down...its the jerks!!
I always wrap someone`s fist bump with my high five because paper beats rock.
There are so many scams on the Internet now. Send me $19.95 and I will tell you how to avoid them.
Life in the fast lane ? Heck, I live in oncoming traffic.
This weekend, a woman in colorado gave birth inside a Wal Mart. Apparently, its the first thing found in a Wal Mart not made in China.
Can you imagine being cryogenically frozen and waking up 100 years later? Your hairstyle would be so outdated, how embarrassing.
The toughest decision I will make today is bottle or draft.
I don’t think I get enough credit for doing everything I do while being unmedicated.
thinks we should all jump out of our chairs and do the 5 second happy dance! READY! GO!
One day, long, long ago, there lived a woman who did not whine, nag, or complain. But it was a long time ago, and it was just for that one day.
If you’ve been naughty… go to your room. If you want to be naughty… go to mine.