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I’ve robbed banks before and they’re never getting their pens back.
There is a big difference between a guy and a girl saying "I went through an entire box of tissues during that movie."
If someone says you used too much butter or cheese on something, stop talking to them. You don`t need that kind of negativity
I`m going to buy a new dictionary. After watching Final Destination 5, I clearly don`t understand the meaning of Final.
Apologizing for canceling a meeting is like saying sorry for buying me a beer.
How does it change many dyslexics to take a lightbulb?
My Girlfriend wanted a cat. I didn`t want a cat. So we compromised and we got a cat...
Life is short, break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably and never regret anything that made you smile ?
Often think if I`d taken a different path in life, I could be lying on a slightly more comfortable sofa right now.
I just bought all six seasons of Hoarders on DVD
Neil Armstrong lands on the moon: 5 pictures. Girl goes to Bathroom: 47 pictures.
People that use big words, but not in the right context, are just trying to be ambidextrous
If you mix vodka, orange juice and milk of magnesia... Do you get a Phillips screwdriver?
I repaired my blow up doll with superglue.....that was an awkward trip to the emergency room (<>..<>)
can´t find Sesame Street on my GPS. Can you tell me how to get there?