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New day, same old bullsh!t
Top uses for Golf Balls: 1. Describing hail storms 2. Describing tumors 3. Playing golf
Oh, I have an idea!!..oh wait, no I don`t
Why do cops ask us why we think they pulled us over? It`s their job. I dont go to the station and ask why they think I created a powerpoint.
Facebook is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves.
Spent $50 on E-bay to enlarge my happy place. The creep sent me a magnifying glass.
Water is the most essential element of life, because without water, you can’t make coffee.
I hate when I wake up in the middle of the night to get a quick drink of water and then accidentally eat a whole pizza and a cheesecake
I can’t find the words to express how I have nothing to say
What do we want? An end to auto-correct errors! When do we want it? Cow! Sow! Bow! Tow! Duck this...
I`ve spent the past four years looking for my ex-wife`s killer, but no one will do it.
Why isn`t Wendy`s girl fat? You would think that someone who eats so many Baconators, chicken sandwiches and other burgers, would be quite the porker by now.
Success is like a fart. It only bothers people when it`s not their own.
New philosophy on life: Do unto others, then run like hell.
Wanna have a little fun? Post "Anyone know a good lawyer?" Then sit back and watch the speculation run wild!