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Technically it was Moses that had the first tablet that could connect to the cloud.
I`m only a morning person on December 25th
My medical ID bracelet says "just let it happen"
Automatic doors make me feel like a Jedi
I try to find the good in every situation. Wait. That was a typo. I meant “food.” I try to find the food in every situation.
When people start praying before a meal, I close my eyes and imagine how far I could throw a potato if I really put my heart into it.
I was born to make mistakes, not to fake perfection.
Cats constantly look at you like you just asked them for a ride to the airport.
I attend weddings simply to hear them two beautiful words that bring so many happy people together...."Open Bar!!"
The most unrealistic part of cooking shows is when they have enough room in their fridge to fit an entire baking sheet.
When I grow up I wanna be a psychiatrist for the mentally insane...so i can find out what the hell is wrong with you people
Side effects of telling your wife to get a grip may include throat bruising or testicular swelling.
I am Looking for a Bank which can offer me these Two Services..... .Give me a Loan & then Leave me aLone. :)
Instead of walking faster when someone holds a door open for me, I slow down to test their door holding resolve.
I just called my boss and told him I have explosive diarrhea. It’s my day off, but I like to keep him informed.