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I`d offer moral support, but I have questionable morals.
When I`m sad, I sing...Then I realise my voice is worse than my problems.
People are like music, some speak the truth and others are just noise.
Law and Order is just Blue`s Clues for adults.
Ohh sh!t, my b!tch button is stuck.
If I’ve learned anything from Game of Thrones it’s that I need a wolf.
I have an amazing psychic ability to find objects just before people lose them. Unfortunately, the police call it theft.
Two heads aren`t better than one if you`re both stupid.
Deep down, we`re all that one lady in 7-11 with her bathrobe on.
If there`s a bar where everybody knows your name, you`re probably an alcoholic.
Scent is the sense most tied to memory. "Common" is the sense least tied to people.
I`m at my most popular when I just want to be alone.
This spider just got away from me because I made the classic villain mistake of telling him my whole evil plan before killing him.
I get butterflies in my stomach every time I eat butterflies.
The awkward moment when you’ve already said “what?” three times and still have no idea what the person said, so you just agree.