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If you`re out running in jeans, I`m gonna go ahead and assume you just participated in a felony.
Pretending to tolerate other people is exhausting.
The whole purpose of vacationing is to make you appreciate knowing where the channels are at home.
If you believe in reincarnation then your tombstone should say “b.r.b” instead of “r.i.p”.
You know those people who get all excited and lovey with puppies at pet stores? Same. But I`m in a liquor store.
Per Wikipedia, there are two kinds of scorpions. One can sting and kill you like a spider, the other can sing and rock you like a hurricane
Hold boobs not grudges.
There`s both a McDonald`s and a blood pressure machine at our Walmart. Circle of life.
I don’t know what it is but, it’s on sale.
Don`t put off for tomorrow what you can do today, because if you enjoy it today you can do it again tomorrow.
How do I like my eggs? ... Ummm, in a cake
Whenever I`m feeling down... I try to make sure my nails are clipped.
Alcohol is not the answer, it just makes you forget the question.
"I can`t wait to have you inside me," I whispered softly to my dinner.
Trying to understand some people is like trying to pick up a turd by the clean end.