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Sarcasm, I put that sh!t on everything
Time flies when you’re having a drunken blackout.
Relatives - Because sometimes you need reminding of your bad genes too.
There`s a fine line between flirty and creepy. And that line is called being good looking.
Some days, I think that Dexter dude has the right idea.
went to vegas: put a coin in the machine and a prize came out, put another coin and another prize came out...problem is i don`t know what to do with all these empty cans now.
Why does Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell insurance. Is there something dirty about insurance we should know about?
So if your invited to someone`s 4th marriage is it wrong to give them a gift certificate to a good divorce attorney?
Alcohol doesn’t make you fat… it makes you Lean… on tables, chairs & random ugly people.
You gotta hand it to blind prostitutes
I see you’re playing stupid. Looks like you’re winning too.
Volleyball = A more intense version of don`t let the balloon hit the floor.
My GF`s anti aging cream went bad ... How does anti aging cream have an expiration date?!
Ask not what your father can do for you, but what you can do for your father. Happy Fathers Day!
Dear karma, I have a list of people you missed.