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"IT`S A BOY" I shouted, tears rolling down my face "I DON`T BELIEVE IT. A BOY!" It was at that moment I chose never to visit Thailand again.
Men hang out in bars for one of two reasons: Either they have no wife to go home to, or they do
Someone once said that I should always treat other people how I would like to be treated. Now I`m facing sexual harassment charges.
My fortune cookie read "End of roll. Replace"
If you don`t put your leftovers in Tupperware for like at least two weeks before throwing it in the trash... you`re doing it wrong.
I saw a girl being irresponsible texting while driving and it really ticked me off.....So I rolled down my window and threw my beer at her.
I dare you to spit on this status.
Is it wrong to swallow my multi-vitamin with a beer?
The way dogs get excited when you throw a tennis ball is the way I feel about my first beer after work.
I used to date this girl that worked at Hasbro, but I finally got sick of all her games.
I wonder if Batman knows that other cities have crime, too.
If I can see you, you`re invading my personal space.
4/20? More like 1/5. Stupid stoners forgot how to reduce their fractions.
My 5yr old learned how to whistle if anyone’s looking for a new 5yr old.
for every like, I will fart on my wife face