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I don’t want to be a millionaire, I just want enough money to be able to stare off into the distance while pumping gas.
So how long before GoFundMe is our nation`s leading health care provider?
What happens on online stays online, forever and ever.
is frickin awesome! Nough Said.
I`m afraid to hug fat girls....what if they`re hungry?
I remember, once upon a time... for about 2 seconds... about 13 years ago... I almost gave a damn.
I`m for driverless cars, but honestly, having to drive is the only thing standing in the way of me being a complete drunk piece of sh!t 24/7
People who say watching golf on TV is boring have obviously never listened to golf on the radio
I thought she asked if I was interested in an orgy. Turns out she really said "4G." My apologies to the lady at the Verizon kiosk.
Never squat with your spurs on
People who walk in front of the theatre screen while you`re watching a pirated movie on your computer are so rude.
If you start smacking people with your wife`s purse she won`t ask you to hold it for her anymore
My husband picks fights with me like he doesn`t even value half of all his assets.
If Guys Wrote Valentine’s Cards: “I don’t even need beer to think you’re attractive.”
"Love your friends, Not their sisters." & "Love your sisters, Not their friends." -By Mummy...