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I thought we had something. You met my family, made us dinner, called me honey. Now suddenly you’re a “waitress” who was “doing her job?”
Your dating profile should be like house listings. 1. Sq. footage 2. Date built 3. # of previous owners? 4. Finished basement?
Is it too early for extra nog in my egg?
Mosquito landed on my friend`s face; easiest decision of my life.
I woke up with a headache this morning but she went to work.
Today`s Generation: "Omg my parents never let me have anything." via iPhone
I like my women like I like my motorcycles. Not ridden by all my friends.
The worst about the weekend?? The ending part.
When the girl working the counter says "would you like fries with that?" say.."are you calling me fat??" then burst into tears. Free meal.
That awkward moment when a comment gets more “likes” than your status.
I think I may have just inadvertently accomplished something!!!
Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
A cop pulled me over and said ``Papers...`` So I said, ``Scissors, I win!`` and drove off like a boss!
If we aren`t meant to have late night snacks then why is there a light in the fridge.
Starbucks isn`t really that expensive compared to how much Victoria`s Secret charges per cup.