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I swear Mosquitos have a chart of the human body they study before they leave their nest...They seem to always bite on the worst possible places.. It`s like they huddle up and make a plan: "Ok Sally, you take the toe knuckles.. Betty, you get the crack behind the knee, Mary, you take the ankles, and I`ll take the finger knuckles..Ready? Break!"
There’s no question about it, the second half of the tank of gas goes twice as fast as the first!
The next time there`s an awkward silence, try whispering, "Did you forget your line?"
I don’t want to go to work. There are people there.
Baby gates are parents` way of saying "this area is locked until you’ve gained more experience."
Last year I won a $50 gift card to Chili`s at a Christmas raffle. ...... This year I`ve decided my Secret Santa gift is going to be a $14.37 gift card to Chili`s.
I plan on being up really late tonight making voodoo dolls for, well, nevermind, you will know who you are soon enough
9 out of 10 times, if you call the 1-800 number printed on a consumer product, the person who answers won`t tell you what they`re wearing.
Can anyone tell me how to become a illegal immigrant, their benefits are undeniably more superior to our own.
I laugh in the face of normal.
Man, the first five days after the weekend are always the hardest.
I`m so, so sorry I started the whole Facebook Is Going To Start Charging thing. I didn`t think it would go THIS far..... sorry
Personal trainer said we`re going to try some dips today. I brought hot salsa and tangy cheese...He hates me.
If Guys Wrote Valentine’s Cards: “I don’t even need beer to think you’re attractive.”
How long does it take to get obsessed?