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Of course it`s you....there`s no f*cking way it`s me.
The problem with some people is that they`re breathing.
"Nineteen letters long" is 19 letters long.
I hate when I`m on Facebook and I`m rudly interrupted by a jogger bouncing off my windshield
I got this weird condition where I drink a case of beer and fall down.
Karma takes too long ..... I`d rather beat the sh%t out of you.
Dear Kelloggs, Cereal that makes them go back to sleep. Sincerely, Tired parents
Be the best you can be, while being the worst that you`re able to get away with.
If the Dollar Store ever starts selling alcohol....drinks are on me.
I`m not sure who`s more drunk, me or the guy wrapped in Christmas lights standing in the mirror.
You`re the reason I wake up everyday. Just kidding I have a job.
Maybe the government just needs to control/alt/delete and then restart in safe mode.
Facebook: Cause why drunk dial one person when you can drunk post the world?
I can see your camouflage pants, so they`re not working.
A girl who lives hundreds of miles away texting you “I’m drunk” is like a lasagna texting you from Italy saying “I’m delicious”