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Marco Polo must really hate sitting near a swimming pool.
Since I`m getting older I`ve been thinking about my health. Should I work out 2 hrs a day like Jack Lalanne who was 96? Or smoke cigars like George Burns who lived to be 100?
Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop and where to spend it
Screw you, regular cars that look like police cars. Also vice versa.
Was there even food before people started posting pictures of it on Instagram?
whenever i`m bored I just expect at any moment for the Koolaid man to break through my wall and take me on a deliciously refreshing adventure!
Show me a bunch of people with type A personalities, and I`ll show you a control group.
Sarcasm: just one of the many services I offer ;)
My level of sarcasm has reached a dangerous level where even I don`t know if I`m kidding or not.
"I`ve never seen an angry stoner, see angry drunks all the time!" Clearly you`ve never tried to take a stoner`s nachos away.
Writing is a great career when people like hearing what you have to say but don`t want to look at you.
I enjoy short walks to the fridge
When I wake up at night, I reach out to you, I love you not for what you look like, I love you for what you have inside - Me to my fridge
If owls are so smart, how come they don`t say "Whom"?
Smile. It makes people wonder what you´re up to.