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HA! If you think I`M crazy you should meet ME!
Some days, the supply of available curse words is insufficient to meet my demands!
This hangover feels like Quentin Tarantino directed it.
I`m so unlucky with women? I visited a massage parlour the other day..and they told me it was "self - service"
Tequila. For those nights you just want to pretend she`s hot.
I enjoy planting sex toys at yard sales in nice neighborhoods, then sit back to watch the magic unfold.
I always tell my kids that it`s ok to make mistakes as long as you learn how to blame them on other people.
There`s no `i` in "Shut the f*ck up!"
I got kicked out of the zoo for feeding the ducks ... to the alligators.
When I see a tire swing swaying gently in the breeze, I like to believe its daydreaming about life on the open road.
i like cake. and thats all for today goodbye :)
People often say laughter is the best medicine, but they neglect to mention that an overdose can cause one’s ass to fall off.
The best person to get thrown in jail with would have to be the Kool-Aid Man.
Pretty busy today. Was only able to check my phone 1400 times.
If booze isn`t the answer, then your question sucks.