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I don’t like being told what to do…unless I’m naked.
Today is different because after you lie to someone, you tell them you were lying.
this one time I was in a bush, and this squirrel was like hey, and I was like hey you can`t talk to me your a squirrel and he was like yea I know lmao
Girl: I am not having having s@x with guys at the moment. Boy:I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue
"I guess you`re right." - No one on the internet ever
It’s not that I don’t care what you’re saying; I was just thinking about food.
Does anyone else make transformer noises when changing sex positions? Asking for a friend.
they say there`s love in every corner....gosh I think I`m moving in circles
Guys, if my hair doesn`t look like a birds nest afterward, you`re doing it wrong.
You can learn a lot from a person especially when you watch them through high powered binoculars, I`m just saying.
I`m not judging you, I`m just trying to guess what medications you`re on.
My dad says that if I don`t stop typing so loudly, he`s gonna slam my face into the fidbdiUHy6hivIifHfGK
HANGOVER!!!!! it`s God`s way of sayin "u kicked a$$ last night"
People say I`m too patronising (that means I treat them as if they`re stupid).
Woke up screaming this morning. My apologies to everyone in the meeting.