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Don`t half a$$ anything. F*ck it up all the way.
Relationships are like batteries, they have a positive & a negative side. And you end up whacking your remote instead of changing them.
My brain is giving me the silent treatment today.
Men are like lottery tickets. Very exciting at first, until you scratch away the surface to reveal the loser beneath.
I need to stop making things more complicated than they need to be. I`m adding that to my bucket Power Point presentation.
I wouldn`t be surprised if my kids think the phrase "goddamn douchebag" means someone who pulls out in front of your car without signaling.
Me being rude: Shut the f*ck up. Me being polite: Please shut the f*ck up.
You know that tingly feeling you get when you have a crush on someone? That’s common sense leaving your body.
My son got one of those `Stop Bullying` wristbands. he took it away from a fat little ginger kid.
My theory: Every squirrel you see is currently on a dare from another squirrel
Every time I see an abandoned shoe on the highway it reminds me of some of the drunken nights we use to have.
The only man worth waiting for is the delivery guy
You know what’s easy? ... Opening another beer
Better late than pregnant.
If your having a bad day, remember that somewhere on this big planet, someone just lost their straw in a capri sun!!