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Besides creating dinosaurs are mosquitos good for anything?
I just made 3 critical errors: 1. I woke up for work. 2. I went to work. 3. I arrived at work.
Your lights are on but I see someone’s been playing with your dimmer switch.
Heard the local weatherman say, "high in the thirties" & now I know the title to my autobiography.
String cheese is the sexiest of the cheeses. It’s like you get to undress it.
In terms of procrastination, I had a very productive day.
Grandkids are basically puppies for old people.
So she asked me "Do these pants make my butt look big?" And I said, "Not at all dear .. its the fat that does that." So now I´m single again.
In paintball, you should be allowed to use a paintbrush as a knife.
I`d like to eat healthy, but we all know what happened that time Eve ate an apple. Best not to risk it.
I’m not a vegetarian but I eat animals who are.
I`m only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand
I`ve noticed that the squirrels are gathering nuts for the winter. Couple of my friends are missing...
The fact that I start clapping every time someone says "Please give me a hand" is only like the number 6 reason I dont have friends.
How many Weight Watcher points are in an entire bottle of wine?