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People who can finish a shampoo bottle at the same time as their conditioner are truly ninja`s.
I`m so hungry I could Instagram a horse.
Are you tired of every day being the same? Congratulations, you’re an adult!
Statistics say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea. Does that mean that 1 enjoys it?
Keep talking; someday you’ll say something intelligent.
I ate a shepherd`s pie for lunch. He was pretty upset about it.
How long does it take possums to realize when one of them is actually dead?
If I procrastinated any harder right now, it would have to involve time travel.
*Australian accent* Notice the wife in her natural habitat shaming the male husband species into doing what she wants!
Hey guys with the super loud mufflers on their cars. I used to put a baseball card in my bicycle wheel spokes. I was 12.
Golf ball sized hail wouldn`t be as destructive if we just made golf balls a lot smaller.
Friends would describe me as classy, sassy and a bit smart-assy.
Copy this and paste it in your status if you know someone, or have heard of someone who knows someone.. If you don´t know anyone, or even if you´ve heard of someone who doesn´t know anyone, then do still copy this. It´s important to spread the message. Oh and the hearts ? ? ? ? For crap´s sake, don´t forget the hearts! ? ? ? ?
Studies show it’s totally okay for me to just say “studies show” in front of whatever I want to say.
For the past 3 years I have been planning to write an article on Procrastination!!!