Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I heard lots of bongo noises coming from my loft last night. It sounded very Drum Attic.
Boss: Are you high? Me: You and I both know that I don`t make enough money to have a drug habit.
I`d feel totally comfortable dating a zombie because I`d know she loved me for my brains and not just my body.
When I`m bored I like to dress in a grim reaper costume and stand across the street from the nursing home and wave at the old folks.
You have advice? For me? I have a $5 Starbucks gift card that`s older than you.
"The truth shall set you free"....unless you are in court. Then you should probably shut the f*ck up.
The leading cause of divorce ? ... marriage
Being with you is like listening to golf on the radio.
It`s that time of year again, to reflect and remember how much I love my tax deductions. Kids... I meant my kids.
I`m tired of being the better person. One day I`d like to be the bitch that they claim I am.
Tried to explain Twitter to my 80 year old Mother, pretty sure she is now insane.
Home: The place where I can look ugly and enjoy it.
To Do List: 1: Buy a knife 2: Call it kindness 3: Kill people with Kindness
7.1 billion people in the world. 0 willing to lower their standards and date me.
I`m just amazed after all these years that we STILL haven`t seen Mario`s buttcrack.