Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The best moments in life are simple… you know like when you sit down and get comfy and the remote is magically next to you.
Why must the phrase, "It is none of my business" always be followed by, "but"?
The object of golf.... is to play the least amount of golf.
"10 Totally Epic Reasons Why You`re Going Straight to Hell" - 2013 version of Ten Commandments
I don`t care if it`s a kidnapping/murder; if you tell me a monkey will be involved, I`m 97% more likely to participate.
Being skinny might be nice, but having pizza is nicer.
1: Say "Unh! 2: Mumble three spanish words. 3: list four cities. You just made a Pitbull song.
decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire!
I`ve been catfishing my best friend for the last 3 weeks. He`s gunna pay me that $50 he owes me or I`m showing these emails to his wife.
My wife’s cooking brings a whole new meaning to.. eat sh!t and die.
Ironing boards are just surf boards that gave up their dreams and got real jobs.
What is Warm, Soft, Sticky and has a Hole in the middle? It`s a Fresh donut. I was way off on that one!
If you trip and are about to fall on the ground yell "He`s got a gun!" and then you`ll look like a cool hero.
Dieting Tip, 1. Make a list of people who have a problem with your weight, 2. Cut them out of your life. 3. Enjoy having lost Hundreds of pounds of Idiots.
The most impressive thing about marathon runners is how they don’t check their phone for 3 hours.