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I gotta ask you a sirius question....do you know the muffen man
People always get so excited about the next generation iPhone but no one has caught up with the awesome technology that`s called a Turn Signal.
Drinking doesn’t make me post better Facebook statuses; it simply makes me not care what you think of them…
Hey, if it doesn`t work out, we can still be friends. Said no guy ever
On my bucket list: To be chased through a kitchen at a Chinese restaurant like in the movies.
Calm down ... Take a deep breath and hold it for about 30 minutes.
No toilet paper.. goodbye socks
I don`t know if I should tip the bathroom attendant, or charge for letting him watch...
It’s a good job Apple isn’t in charge of New Year. We’d all be expecting 2015 and get 2014S instead.
drinking while working out...it`s called Bacardio
The best part about being an adult is, nobody can tell you, you can`t have ice cream for breakfast.
I`ve been hiding from exercise ... I`m in the fitness protection program.
More people would drink responsibly if there was a brand of beer named Responsibly.
They`ll find Bigfoot before they find a Smoothie store that`s been open for more than 2 years.
Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza.