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Just seen the new Batman shampoo in Costco. I can`t believe they haven`t paired it up with a conditioner Gordon.
Sweetie, if your gonna be two-faced at least make one of them pretty!
I like to make up words just to keep my auto correct in check.
Being married is 90% talking about what to have for dinner.
Marriage is like a public toilet. Those waiting outside are desperate to get in. Those inside are desperate to get out
I hate it when my kid starts crying in the middle of the night and I have to get up to close the bedroom door.
cavemen were posting on walls before it was cool
Every novel is a mystery novel if you never finish it.
loves poetry, long walks and poking dead things with a stick.
If you lack motivation, get on treadmill naked in front of mirror.
Half the time spent on Facebook is likely spent by creeping people and /or staring at the screen waiting for something interesting to happen.
Screw it, just add another blade." -Gillette marketing concepts.
Personal trainer said we`re going to try some dips today. I brought hot salsa and tangy cheese...He hates me.
I`d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and I don`t wanna see you everyday.
I mean, I don`t even call it a hangover anymore. It`s just morning.