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You know you are getting old when you see girls from TEEN category moved to MATURE & MILFS.
Do you know what really makes me smile? Facial muscles.
Doctors who expect me to pee on command, I`m not some kind of stunt pee-er, you know.
"No! Don`t go into the church! Nooo!" ... "Honey, what movie are you watching?" ... "Our wedding video."
Life was much easier when apples and blackberries were fruits&& not phones
A mouse trap, placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep.
There’s nothing worse than getting $0.99 back in change.
My walk of shame is going back for a shopping cart after realizing I can`t carry 23 items in my arms through the store.
Things you need to know about me: 1- I`m lazy 2- hmm, one is enough
No Shirt No Shoes No Service. What about pants?
At what age is it appropriate to tell my friends that they`re imaginary?
I will never repeat filthy rumors. So listen closely the first time.
See, I would run, but it`s usually bodies of joggers that are found dead in the woods.
The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not have brains is great news for stupid people.
They need to put more spider poison in hairspray.