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No, I didn`t say I was a taxidermist. I said, I can stuff your beaver.
Some days I’d like to take a chainsaw and cut a few branches off my family tree.
I accidentally spilled spot remover on my dog and now he’s gone.
Sex ed class should be listening to a baby cry for 5 hours while watching the same cartoon on repeat.
likes to end all my phone calls with "Ok, I`ll see you later on at the party!" and then quickly hang up. Let them figure it out.
Girls here is an idea.. instead of spending that much money on make up just buy your guy a bottle of Jack Daniels.
I was at the pool today and tried to sneak a quick pee in the deep end. The lifeguard must have seen me. He blew his whistle so loud that I almost fell in.
In a new study women with large a$$es live longer………the men who tell them live distinctively shorter lives.
I don’t love being single but I do love being happy.
I wish I was a jedi, but mostly just so I didn`t have to bend over to pick up dog poop.
I need to start eating more healthy, but first I need to eat all the junk food in the house so it’s not there to tempt me anymore.
I forget, how much tequila goes in mashed potatoes? Now that`s funny, I don`t care who you are. Oh, don`t copy that part. I mean this part. Oh hell!! Your going to copy and paste the whole thing anyway ;)
Growing up we were so poor. If I wasn`t a boy I would have had nothing to play with.
Women.Some men undermine, disrespect and consider them weak,forgeting the countless spanks they got from their mothers
Ways to Win my Heart: Buy me Beer Bring me Beer Be Beer.