Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My insurance company said if my tent is stolen while I`m camping, I won`t be covered.
I may not have great parenting skills, but in my defense the kids don`t have great childing skills either.
There were only 3 commandments until Moses’ wife got involved.
I bet Batman`s cape gets stuck in the car door more times than he admits.
Until today, I thought American Horror Story was a book about marriage.
Horoscope: Slightly fatter than you were yesterday
When wearing a logo or clever t-shirt, make sure your rack looks good. No one likes reading stuff on a lumpy, wavy surface. You too, ladies.
Please no one tell me what happens on the NFL today; I`m still on Season 8.
Every time the grocery baggers ask if I want help to my car, I feel like telling them yes and climbing in the cart.
I`ve been hiding from exercise ... I`m in the fitness protection program.
Insomnia improves your math skills. You spend all night calculating how much sleep you`ll get if you "fall asleep right now".
Sometimes, entire relationships can be chalked up to, "that weird thing I did for a while."
It seems racist that they call it Black Friday just because a bunch of people are trying to get into stores in the middle of the night.
My bedroom is perfect for a one night stand, but there’s no room for two night stands.
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.