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"I`m on my way." -People who haven`t even left the house yet.
I am the reason why Waldo is hiding.
I put my phone on airplane mode, and it dragged me out of my seat.
happy 3rd birthday to the tartar sauce in my fridge
I’m in a long distance relationship. Sure, some people refer to it as a restraining order, but still.
if its got tits you will get nothing but trouble !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’ve watched “Aladdin” like 25 times with my kids, so I know quite a bit about politics in the Middle East.
I`m 42 years old and I still have no idea what I would do if a kangaroo entered my bedroom in the middle of the night.
Thought of the day! Calling me a crazy bitch will only encourage me to prove you right...
A party without Vodka is just a meeting.
The difference between cheating on your wife and cheating on your taxes is if you tell the truth, the IRS still wants to f*ck you.
The trick to successfully backing out of a parking space is to not care what happens to you or anyone else.
She said there`s no difference between turkey bacon and regular bacon, and now I`m supposed to just "forget about it"?
To avoid being eaten by zombies, go to Settings / Home Invasion Settings / Cannibalism / Brains, and then uncheck the "tasty" box.
I saw a guy walking 4 dogs this morning and thought, Wow!.. That guy must be really blind.