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I would like to discuss tennis but I wouldn`t want to cause a racket
Talking louder does not make you any less wrong.
Attention fuels immaturity
The boss keeps talking about a company 401k ... I don`t think I can run that far
My whole life consists of wondering whether or not to make the sarcastic comment.
If you`re going to walk a mile in my shoes...Can you pick me up some beer on your way back?
Is it bad that "WINE" is always on my grocery list? At the top? In all caps?
If you get pulled over in a Smart Car for speeding, you should get a standing ovation, not a ticket.
Very productive day today, turd-wise
If my fridge had glass doors I would still stand there and hold the door open.
Apparently "whiskey and wild women" is not an acceptable answer when asked what your weaknesses are during a job interview.
When you`re a kid, dick jokes are considered adult content, but when you`re an adult, they`re considered immature.
I haven’t lived paycheck to paycheck since my last paycheck.
That moment when you spell a word so wrong that even auto correct is like....`I`ve got nothing man.`
Please don`t come to my garage sale if you`ve ever let me borrow something.