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"Stay out of the heat & stay hydrated." Thank you news-anchor. It`s my first summer.
If I had a time machine, I would just keep going back to bed.
I’m better at remembering people who have bad breath than important historical facts.
The only 2 things that I love and enjoy about being an adult is having sex and drinking alcohol.
I`m having trouble telling if it`s killing me or making me stronger
This Halloween, the only Candy I`m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
I work out by ordering a small drink at Burger King, then get up 100 times to refill it.
I am convinced that Kellogg`s works for our Government and all that Snap, Crackle, Pop is CODE.......
Life`s too short for Salad..............
I can`t wait for Taylor Swift to break up with a black guy, so she can write a rap album!
“How are feeling today?” is a polite reminder that you were a mess the night before.
"Spring Ahead" this weekend for Daylight Saving Time proves there is a much quicker way than Facebook to lose an hour in your life....
Mister Rogers didn`t adequately prepare me for the people in my neighborhood.
I remember being able to get up without making sound effects. Good times.
I hope when Bruce Willis dies, it`s from a Viagra overdose. That way the headline can read "Bruce Willis Died Hard".