Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
People treat New Year’s like some sort of life changing event. If your life sucks today, it’s probably still going to suck tomorrow ... Just sayin
Dear Mother-in-Law, Do not tell me how to handle my child, I am living with one of yours and he needs a lot of improvement.
Apparently there`s enough room in my mouth to put more than one foot.
Well bugger... Just realised the plant ive been watering for 2 years is fake.
Why does life keep teaching me lessons I have no desire to learn?
The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
Why put off `til tomorrow what you can premeditate today.
If the shoe fits, wear it. Unless they`re not yours. But you can still were them. It`s just a road test, after all.
I hate it when people call dogs "stupid". I mean, when was the last time you saw a dog step in human poop?
I can`t wait for Taylor Swift to break up with a black guy, so she can write a rap album!
Yea...sure! I was hoping someone would come and stand uncomfortably close to me today
I`ve created a new gym to help with the child obesity problem. There is no building, I am just slowly driving around neighborhoods in an ice cream truck without ever stopping.
DO NOT expect a "Bless You" after your 3rd sneeze. Get that sh!t under control.
I have the ability to drive people crazy. I`m not sure if I was born with it or if I learned it. But damn am I great at it.
You know it’s a really good bar when there’s a couple outside breaking up.