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The larger the implants, the more likely she’ll be confused by a push/pull door.
"5 React 2 Gum-- Experiences may vary. Stimulate your senses!"-- Same effect as LSD, but chewier.
Everyone wants you to "be honest" until you tell them how much they suck.
If I`ve learned anything from Facebook, it`s that you shouldn`t be learning on Facebook.
Why is there Head & Shoulders shampoo? Who has hair on their shoulders? Who`s shampooing their shoulder hair? ... please come forward.
"There`s a sleeping person. Let`s go ask it questions." – Children
If you don`t know me by now....I`m a really good stalker.
I can`t wait for Taylor Swift to break up with a black guy, so she can write a rap album!
If you want to pick up girls ....Keep your back straight and lift with your knees.
Mouth the word " vacuum" to a stranger & see what happens.
I lost 3 pounds over the weekend, but not to worry I found them lastnight at pizza hut
I`m so lonely I drive around town with a coffee cup glued to the roof of my car just so people will wave at me.
Hello? HP? I’d like to make a return. I ordered a Laser Jet but you sent me a printer.
If I ever get to an age where the music from the ice cream truck doesn`t make me excited, pull the plug.
Tip of the day: Don`t be a douche!