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I have this great midnight snack it`s called, what do I think my roommate won`t notice if I eat the edges off of
If you look in the mirror and say "Taylor Swift" three times, she magically appears then breaks up with you. What do u know next? You`re a song!
I believe in magic because it`s the only way to explain how fitted sheets get folded.
Alcohol doesn´t solve any problems ... but then again, neither does milk.
you know....I wasn`t planning on going for a run today....but those cops came out of nowhere
If Candy Crush had a face, I`d punch it.
How long do I have to sleep before I`m legally a bear?
hmm ... I wonder what I´m thinking?
It`s great how you have legs that can take you away from a conversation when you don`t feel like listening to people anymore
99% of people are stupid. Luckily, I`m part of the other 3%.
Tried to plug my charger in the wrong hole. Siri was like STOP " I don`t do that ".
I just called to get my credit score and I heard laughing in the background. Sounds like a cool place to work.
I`m sorry officer, I thought you wanted to race.
I went for window shopping , and guest what , I bought four windows....
Facebook is like a nude beach. Everybody lets everything hang out, and you really don`t want to see a lot of it...