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Some call it alcoholism, I call it "keeping my emotions hydrated"
My sex tape would just be called Home Alone.
This skinny girl just told me she "forgets" to eat? Is that possible? I just licked her face in case it`s contagious.
Keychains were invented so that you can lose all of your keys at once.
I saw a girl being irresponsible texting while driving and it really ticked me off.....So I rolled down my window and threw my beer at her.
I use awkward numerical range description anywhere between 13 and 4 times a day.
I was told today to look at my life from a different perspective. I`m lying on the floor now and the shit still looks f*cked up.
A procrastinator`s work is never done...
I act like Pacman at parties. I walk around the room eating everything in site and avoiding everyone.
Why do people with bad breath always have to tell me secrets???
Did you know you can buy live lobsters? Anyway, can I use your shower mine is full of lobsters.
It`s so strange to think that before Facebook all of this nonsense just stayed in people`s heads
Four words that I never want to hear: There is no food
You dont know sh!t about pressure until you`re the only Black person on the dance floor while white people clap & form a circle around you
"Oh!Look The Smurfs Grew Up!"Grandma those are Avatars." -_-