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I have a feeling I already know which direction my "Get rich or die trying" lifestyle is headed.
Sure I have my doubts, but Bigfoot doesn’t have any pictures of me either.
Before having any kids make sure you’re done sleeping and doing things you like to do.
Music that is meant to be played at a reasonable volume is completely pointless.
In my defense, your honor, he had the keyboard clicking sound on his phone turned on
If video games have taught me anything, it’s that if you encounter enemies then you’re going the right way.
Just watched The Grey. The wolves left half the Mexican .. to spicy??
I got caught peeing in the swimming pool today... The lifeguard shouted so loud I almost fell in.
Teens, you should not being getting drunk. You`re annoying enough as it is
My buddy asked me the other night if he could crash on my couch. I had to explain to him that I`m married now and thats were I sleep...
The only thing more amusing than someone leaving a voicemail is them asking if you actually listened to it.
I use my imagination to solve problems. And by imagination, I mean booze.
Would buy you a drink but I would be jealous of the glass.
Only 3 more days until millions of people join the gym for a week.
If you think husbands aren`t good listeners, whisper "Come here, I`m naked" from anywhere in the house and see what happens.