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If people are what they eat, some people must eat a lot of stupid.
Apparently beer contains female hormones. After you drink enough you can neither drive nor shut the hell up
I get a little nervous before saying Worcestershire sauce.
“Taking candy from a baby” would actually be a responsible thing to do.
The grass was greener on the other side, so we smoked it.
So how old does a highway have to be before you tell him he`s adopted?
Screaming out "BOOM PREGNANT!" during sex is never as funny as you think it will be.
Good rule of thumb: if you see an adult riding a children’s bicycle, you’re probably in a bad neighborhood.
You know you are desperate for an answer when you look at the second page of Google.
If opportunity doesn`t knock, build a door.
Lies I`ll never stop telling: 1. I`d never put you in a home, mom. 2. It`s 6 inches long. 3. I have no idea how the PC got a virus.
Well if you didn`t want me to fall in love with you, why did you tell me you had nachos?
My number was 0...
I`m posing nude for an art class. No one asked me to. I think they`re making ceramic bowls.
I like to think the automatic soap dispenser is just really happy to see me.