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I`m amazed at how much better my life has been since the iOS 7 update. I bet it would be even better if I owned an iPhone.
Make somebody happy today... mind your own business!!!
A person who is bad at math should never take a calculated risk.
Apparently sleeping your way to the top doesn`t mean dozing off in meetings or taking naps in the copier room.
One man`s girlfriend is another man`s password.
My new workout video is 20 minutes of me vacuuming over the same piece of string instead of picking it up.
Admit it, you have that one voice that you only use on animals and babies.
You`d think the chances of putting in a USB drive wrongside-up would be 50-50, but nope, 90-10.
Women say they want a guy who can make them laugh. I`d probably have done better if they`d specified that they didn`t mean by tickling.
I love you Mario, but you need to stop taking shrooms, breaking into haunted houses, and killing turtles! You have a dinosaur to take care of.
Ever wondered why there’s no window in the airplane’s toilet? Because, really, who’s going to see in?
If your life ever seems boring just remember that you are on a rock floating in outer space.
After I drink coffee I show my empty mug to the IT guy and tell him I`ve successfully installed Java. He hates me.
When ever I think about the past...It brings back so many memories
Did we try giving the government a snickers?