Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Why is it that whenever there`s two women in a profile pic, the hot one is always someone else..?
I know a lot of women who should substitute their lipstick with glue sticks.
I`m pretty sure my guardian angel just sits there watching me suffer, while rolling her eyes and painting her nails.
Sometimes I like to go to the hardware store and run around with a screwdriver shouting, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is not a drill!"
Valentines Day is the only day of the year that the guy with the smallest package gets the girl.
I feel like I`m not getting the full experience of a gas station bathroom if I don`t cut and dye my hair and change my identity.
In lieu of a gift I liked a couple of charities on FB in your honour
As I looked at my naked body in the mirror, I thought to myself: "I`m going to get thrown out of this home depot in a minute."
If you lift up the handle on the car door at the same time I`m trying to unlock it more than two times, I`m driving off without you.
Playing dead in the supermarket to avoid having a conversation with someone you know attracts more attention than I anticipated...go figure.
The next person that tells me I have no shame…probably knows me pretty darn well.
I`m Dave, or as the ladies like to call me... "Hey, you! Behind the bushes!"
There is nothing worse then trying to watch porn with a slow internet connection.
I`ve stopped drinking for good. I only drink for evil now.
Just been watching Ladies Beach volleyball and there`s already been a wrist injury...but I should be ok in a couple days.