Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
We should bury everyone upside down so if they come back as zombies they’ll dig the wrong way.
Apparently, walking up behind a girl in the produce isle with celery in my hand and saying "I`m stalking you" was much funnier in my head.
People say love is the best feeling ever. However I think finding a toilet right away when you have diarrhea is better.
I don`t always agree with everything I say. :)
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
I love you in a bipolar way because I hate you.
Silence is golden but duct tape is silver.
Drinking coffee is a fun way to become dependent on paying money to wake up.
If you`re ever lost in the woods and have a compass, the compass can help you be lost more north.
You know it`s time to delete Facebook when your mom, dad, uncles, aunties, grandparents etc... is on it.
I bet attractive people think the world is a lot more polite than it really is.
I`m so old, I remember when the internet didn`t have commercials.
Chaos, panic and disorder. My work here is done.
Is a bath relaxing for Michael Phelps, or does he just feel like he is at work?
The only reason I offer to be the designated driver is so people will get used to seeing me load lifeless bodies into my car.