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What I lack in height, I make up for in kitchen counter climbing ability.
Why are you showing me pictures of your kid if you have a dog?
Sure I have my doubts, but Bigfoot doesn’t have any pictures of me either.
Whenever I open my fridge, my dog looks at me with a puzzled look and he thinks: Why don’t you eat all the food?
What`s the difference between "Ooooo" and "Ahhh"? About 3 inches.
Something I will never understand: Why it’s acceptable for people to be idiots but not acceptable for me to point it out.
Sometimes I wish that I could put my wife on airplane mode.
Why is it called stealing when your WIFI is trespassing in my house?
Just once...one time; can`t we buy a tree that doesn`t try to attack me when I come home drunk at 2am.
Ohh sh!t, my b!tch button is stuck.
50 notifications later I regret ever commenting on your status.
The day I understand females will be the day i`ll be officially known as Jesus
I wish more events in life involved dumping a cooler full of Gatorade on people.
If guys had periods, they´d brag about the size of their tampons.
I really have to stop using this little microphone on my phone that types whatever you say as it keeps making mistakes punctuation point