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i joined new gym yesterday. i did 3 sets of selfies on each machine
I just gave my ex a big hug which can only mean one thing. That`s right I have the flu and I love sharing.
I bet my road rage would be taken more seriously if I spoke German
The only problem with using the treadmill is that you can`t run from your own farts.
You will never find the right person if you do not let go of the wrong one. Call me!
The only excuse for the kinds of storms that have been coming is that someone somewhere is losing a game of Jumanji...
Hey, if it doesn`t work out, we can still be friends. Said no guy ever
If you smoke after sex, you`re doing it to fast.
I got kicked out of my Community Theater group when the director asked to see me Limp. How was I to know he was talking about walking?
The only thing actually impossible in life is taking a picture for a group of women and having ALL of them like it.
There are days when everything goes perfectly. . I wonder what those are like?
Divorce: Step 1: She throws all your sh!t in the street Step 2: The judge says you have to give it all back to her.
I don`t have a drinking problem. If anything, I`m TOO good at it.
Son, you don`t get anything in life without trying hard and working for it. Now be quiet, there about to announce the lottery results...
People who sit and talk while their pizza is gets cold gives me anxiety.