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My level of sarcasm is to the point where I don`t even know if I`m kidding or not.
This lady in Walgreens is staring at me like she`s never seen anyone put on deodorant and then put it back on the shelf.
It´s Friday-O-Clock!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If ignorance really was bliss we`d have a lot more really happy people around here.
You know nothing about a woman, until she is drunk and mad at you.
I just caught my husband smiling in his sleep. He`s going to pay for that later.
I`ll call it a smartphone the day I yell "Where`s my phone?" and it yells "Down here! In the couch cushions!"
Marriage. Because dodging your own family wasn`t enough.
It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.
Nice meeting you, but I forgot your name as soon as you said it...
Right now my life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Wal-mart.
When is National Slap a Co-worker Day? ... Please say tomorrow
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 300,000 times, well then you`re probably a weatherman.
"You`re going to love my friend. He`s hilarious." is still the best way to know you`re about to meet an annoying person.
Hell is having a married couple tell you a story at the same time.