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I got all my Christmas shopping done. Hope everyone likes bunny ears, ornamental grass, and discounted peeps.
If you’re gonna flip out on your Facebook, don’t delete it all the next day. Some of us still want to share your meltdown with our friends.
Sometimes I get road rage standing in lines.
Note to self... next time my wife asks what`s on tv, don`t say dust
pudding... thats always a funny word
If a Jehovah`s Witness dies and goes to heaven...does God hide behind the pearly gates and pretend he`s not in?
As if " cray cray" wasn`t irritating enough, people have started shortening it to " cray"....that`s just stu stu
Plot twist: name your pets after passwords.
Dear Gangsta: If you pulled up your pants a little you could run from the cops faster.
I know that somewhere in the Universe exists my perfect soul mate, but looking for her is much more difficult than just staying at home and ordering another pizza.
I just put Santa hats on all my Halloween decorations.
Stop procrastinating. Join Hokey Pokey Anonymous today and turn that life around!
My flock of sheep were stolen from my farm last month. I`ve not been able to sleep since.
HR says I`m not allowed to scream "OH GOD IT BURNS MAKE IT STOP" when I walk through the front door at work anymore :(
I need a bank to do two things for me: give me a loan and leave me alone