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I make one mistake and my pharmacist now adds "by mouth" on the prescription label.
The only thing worse than dramatic girls facebook statuses…dramatic guys Facebook statuses.
Professor X can move anything with his mind... except his legs.
The term "bath toys" has a whole new meaning when you`re an adult
I love how in movies when someone types a really embarrassing secret they always accidentally send it to the whole school, and they also coincidentally have the phone number of everyone.
The awkward moment when you set something down for a second and it disappears off the face of the earth.
Some days there just isn`t enough give-a-damn.
We always say that our elders are wise, because of their years of experience. But you know what? ... Stupid people get old too.
"Just Be yourself" is something I rarely hear from people who know me well.
Pizza: 73% delicious, 27% also delicious.
never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes
I hate when the weather man says there is a chance of sprinkles in the forecast...makes me want donuts!!
I just watched my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes and thought, "Wow, dogs are easily entertained." Then I realized I just watched my dog chase his tail for 10 minutes.
I’m not positive that having the TV volume on an odd number will destroy the world, but lets not risk it.
Not sure if I logged into Facebook or the Cartoon Network.