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Sometimes, I like to stalk random strangers vacation pic`s, and tag myself as one of the people in the background just for laughs.
Coffee is gods way of saying "go ahead get trashed on a weeknight, I`ve got your back"
I bet Jellyfish are sad that there are no Peanut Butter fish.
Best of luck explaining why you’re still single at Thanksgiving and Charles Manson isn’t.
I quit my job and handed in my badge and gun to my boss, he said, why do you have a gun? You work at McDonald’s.
How long does it take possums to realize when one of them is actually dead?
I’M ENGAGED…..to be hungover tomorrow.
Can anyone recommend a few thousand books on hoarding?
I just bought all six seasons of Hoarders on DVD
Not doing anything with my life is surprisingly time consuming.
Scientists have yet to explain how 300 people can be working at a Wal-Mart but only 4 registers will be open.
If you don`t do stupid sh!t while you`re young, you`ll have nothing to talk about later in life while sitting at the bar.
Bad news, guys. Throwing a cat through a wall doesn`t make a funny, cat-shaped hole. jk
It`s a good thing the gas station is open today...... I still have time to do my Christmas shopping.
What`s wrong with having your mind in the gutter all the time?! If it weren`t for the gutter, my mind would be homeless!!!