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I just leased a 2013 lamborghini, no payments till January. Those f@kin Mayans better be right.
An apple a day is bullsh!t. Apples are dangerous. Just look at Eve, Snow White, Blackberry or any pig at a luau.
Success sleeps with u in private. Failure insults u in public ! Aa
I almost got raped in jail last night. My family takes Monopoly very seriously.
Stupidity should be painful...really!!!
I can eat anything in the house unless it was specifically bought for my wife but the only way to know it`s for her is to eat it. Apparently
It takes patience to listen, it takes skill to pretend you’re listening.
This company doesn`t know how much of an asset I am.. Or an ass-sit. They really should pay more attention.
Men ask us if we`re naked when we tell them we`re taking a bath. THAT`S why they pay more for their car insurance.
My neighbors complained that I never mow my lawn. So I started mowing. The cops showed up at 3 a.m.. These neighbors are never happy...
bitches want what they cant have..or thats what I keep telling myself
Remember ... I can always make it look like an accident.
Unless your name is “Google”, stop acting as if you know everything!
I went by the Gym today. Its the third time this week............. One of these day`s I might actually go in.
A homeless man told me he hadn`t had a bite in weeks, so I bit him.