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I only accept apologies in cash.
Back in my day, we didn’t have computers or the internet. Everyone had to walk uphill for days to tell me I’m an a$$hole.
Whoever says "you need two to tango" obviously hasn`t seen me drunk.
Okay im going to make myself a sandwich, and i better have some votes when i come back. -.-
I don’t even know what I don’t know.
No matter how much you push the envelope - it`ll still be stationery.
If anyone is looking for an unlicensed helicopter pilot give me a call. . .
If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blankets back to your side.
The world would be a better place if we all got along like the "Price is Right" audience.
Marriage: where all the excitement, laughter and sex is gone but she’s still there.
why do i feel like you are reading this
I`m only materialistic when I shop at the liquor store.
Men are usually too focused on the cleavage in the shirt to notice the crazy in the eyes.
I don’t let my friends do stupid things… ALONE!
Send me one more game request and I`m showing up at your house drunk, at 4am, naked and demanding a game of Twister